How to Set Boundaries and Say No

By Joy Fisher-Sykes

We are constantly bombarded daily with requests for our
time. While helping others can be very rewarding, at the
same time we can feel distraught about constantly obligating
ourselves to others while not fulfilling our own needs. We
can feel distressed about constant commitments to do things
we simply don’t have the time, energy or desire to do.

At times, we may immediately feel the urge to say no, but
instead lose our courage, and concede yet again. The
question is why? Is it because:

* You fear you won’t be liked or feel a strong need to please
everyone
* You have to always keep the calendar full so you feel
needed and important
* You undervalue the need for down time and forget simply
not wanting to do anything is a legitimate reason to say no
* You would rather not deal with the consequences of
saying no and all the feelings that come with it.

Setting boundaries and saying no is taking personal
responsibility for your well-being. This requires you to
clearly speak up, and specifically ask for what you want.
Your decision to say no to requests from family, friends, and
co-workers doesn’t have to be filled with feelings of
uneasiness and guilt. It fact, it’s important you remember the
decision to say no is strictly a personal choice – yours!

Whether at work, with family, or friends, you can say no with
diplomacy, tact, and respect. Here some ways you can
embrace your personal power and assert your right to say
no.

Be sure you have all the facts
Before making a commitment, be sure you have a complete
understanding of exactly what’s being asked of you. You
may feel confused because you just don’t have enough
information to make a decision. You have the right to ask as
many questions as necessary.

Ask yourself “Is this a unreasonable request?”
When someone makes a request, he or she is usually tuned
into “WIIFM” (What’s In It For Me). People are not
necessarily concerned with whether or not a request is in
your best interest. If you feel hesitant, trapped or otherwise
uncomfortable – go with your gut and say no. These uneasy
feelings probably indicate saying yes isn’t best.

Take Your Time
There is no law that says you have to immediately obligate
yourself to someone when asked. Take your time before you
make a final decision. Simply say “I need time to think about
this. I’ll get back to you.”

Set goals
Setting your goals will make it easier to say no. Establishing
priorities makes it easy to decide how much time you can
devote to others without sacrificing your own needs. You
will be more comfortable declining requests that conflict with
your priorities.

Speak up - without excuses or apologies
When you have all the facts and decide say no, say no
calmly and firmly. An assertive tone of voice, body
language, and eye contact lets others know you are serious
and definite in your decision.

Don’t be meek. Say no directly without excuses. Excuses
make you appear as if you aren’t in control of your
decisions. If you say “I’m sorry but…” this only weakens
your stand. If you have decided saying yes is not in your
best interest, no apology is necessary.

What if they won’t take no for an answer?
If someone won’t take no for an answer, repeat your
position. Maintain your stand and don’t allow yourself to be
manipulated or strong armed. No means no and you have
the right to stand by your choice.

Feel good about your decision to say no
Feel calm, confident, and comfortable with your decision to
say no. Be secure knowing it’s enough to say no simply
because you just don’t want to.

Remember, learn how to say no is a win-win situation for
everyone.

About the author:
Joy Fisher-Sykes is a professional speaker, author, and
success coach in the areas of leadership, motivation, stress
management, customer service, and team building. You can
e-mail her at mailto:jfsykes@thesykesgrp.com, or call her at
(757) 427-7032. Go to her web site,
http://www.thesykesgrp.com,and signup for the newsletter,
OnPoint, and receive the free ebook, "Secrets, Stories, and
Tips for Marvelous Customer Service."


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